What really matters

What does really matter to you? That seems to be the fundamental question for everyone. If you can get as clear as possible about this question, you can direct yourself toward things that really matter and away from things that don’t.

That sounds simple, doesn’t it? You probably already know that it can actually be super-complicated, especially when you’re feeling stressed, rushed, super-busy, or just plain stuck. But it doesn’t have to be….

Gaining clarity about what really matters typically requires some quiet introspection on your part – getting out of the busyness that permeates daily life. Here are some things you can try. As you try them, notice your emotional and mental reactions – and ask yourself “what really matters?” regularly:

Things you can do in just a couple minutes:

• Transition mindfully. Each time you transition from one part of your day or from one activity to the next, see if you can pause to bring yourself into the present moment. Bring attention to your breath; notice the sights, sounds, and smells of your surroundings; and acknowledge the transition you are in the process of making. This is a particularly helpful practice for transitioning between work and home at the end of the day, preparing you for more positive interactions with your children or for the things you need to do at home.
• Listen to your body. Every few hours, take a break from what you’re doing to tune in to the sensations in your body. Pay attention to how these sensations may have changed over the past few hours. Notice any areas of tension or discomfort. Also notice sensations of relaxation. Can you discern any connections between your emotions or moods and the way your body feels?
• Download onto your computer some of your favorite travel photos or pictures of places you’d like to go. Every few hours at work, take a three-minute break to really “get into” one of these photos (rather than rushing through all of them). Can you feel what it’s like there? Allow all of your senses to remember or imagine.
• Spend three minutes listening to a piece of music that you find uplifting and hopeful. Rather than having it on in the background or thinking through your “to do” list as the music plays, really let yourself listen. Can you distinguish the various instruments, harmonies, and other nuances? What can you notice about this piece of music that you haven’t noticed before?
• Set a timer (on your computer, phone, watch, or other device) to go off once an hour. At that time, no matter what else you’re doing, see if you can take a three-minute break to check in with what’s going on for you right now – your feelings, thoughts, mood, bodily sensations. Or, take this three-minute vacation for one of the other tips above.

Things you can do in 1/2 hour or so:

• Take yourself out to lunch. Do not eat lunch at your desk, no matter how tempting. Instead, find a comfortable place (ideally outdoors, if the weather is decent) or at a relatively quite indoor spot, and eat a mindful meal by yourself. As best you can, focus on the aroma and taste of the food, rather than on the day’s dramas. See if you can simply sit and eat, without reading, talking on the phone, planning your afternoon…just sitting. (If you are feeling particularly sad or “down,” I recommend having a quiet, mindful meal like this with a close, understanding friend. If you have elementary school-age children, see if you can all participate in making the first part of a meal mindful in this way, paying close attention to the food and just being at the table before beginning a conversation about other things.)
• Take a mindful walk. If you work full-time, you can do this during your lunch break or before or after work. Mindful in this context means bringing your attention to whatever you see, hear, smell, and touch along your way, also tuning in to how your body feels while walking and how the air feels against your skin. Each time you notice your mind wandering to worries, plans, or other distractions, notice where it’s gone and return your attention to your walk.
• Really pay attention to someone or something. It’s so tempting to multitask. See if you can have at least a half-hour period when you’re not multitasking. Instead, focus on only one thing. If you’re in conversation with another person (a child or adult), whether in person or on the phone, give them your undivided attention. If you’re doing a project on your computer, avoid answering the phone, checking e-mail, or any other distractions for at least a half-hour. Can you allow yourself to become absorbed in the present moment and whatever it has to offer?